I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize