he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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