We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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