"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
