He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
