i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
