I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
