I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
