You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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