I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
