So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
