Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
