Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
