you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
