i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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