Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
