The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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