well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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