Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
