god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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