this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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