last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize