hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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