so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
