I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
