The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
