I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
