just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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