True but thats because hes a fetus.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
