Sponge bath it is.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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