It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
