Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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