if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
