When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
