Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
