I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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