You can't special order awesome
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
