Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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