So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
