just tell him i said nine months
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
