Me. At least after what I've been through.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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