Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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