Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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