Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
