so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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