fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
