Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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