just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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