last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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