This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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