these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
