last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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