just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
