a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
