I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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