you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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