Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
