Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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