White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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