are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
