His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
