It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ok first of all what the fuck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
