I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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